👾 My 1-step framework for doing scary things.

 I mean everyday scary things I procrastinate about, where my fear makes me smaller and less effective.

For instance, unpleasant stuff that’s part of everyday life, like phoning the tax office or cleaning out the fridge.

Me when I open the fridge to clean it:

I tell myself: It's just a thing I do when I need to (why I need to do it). 

Before we carry on, let’s go back (quite) a few years…

When I was a kid, on a Saturday morning, before we could go off and enjoy our weekend, my brothers and I had to do our chores. My chore was cleaning the bathroom. When I was finished (or so I thought), my dad would check on my work. He ALWAYS found some little spot (or spots) that I’d missed, somewhere I hadn’t scrubbed hard enough. I was even punished for not getting it done.

As an adult, I had a huge block about cleaning the bathroom. I dreaded it. I only did it if my husband was nagging me or we had visitors. I hated doing it for years after my divorce. Then one day, I hit on a solution.

I incorporated cleaning the bathroom into my morning routine, right before my shower. And I only cleaned one tiny part of the bathroom each day: Mondays, the basin, Tuesdays the bath/shower, Wednesday the area around the washing machine, and Thursday the toilet area. And if I skipped a part or just waved the cloth at it, that was ok too.

Suddenly cleaning the bathroom was a breeze. One day, I was scrubbing the tub, with no negative feelings and I thought, WOW, this used to be something I hated and now, it’s just a thing I do as part of my morning routine.

That was the moment I realized the power of that little word, “just”.

I use that word to rob emotionally charged, overwhelming tasks of the power they have over me.

When I think of something I have to do, and I start feeling fear, avoidance, or overwhelm, I tell myself:

"It's just a thing I do."

😱 Checking my financial statements, which makes my pulse race?"

🤷🏻‍♀️ “It's just a thing I do so I can stay on top of my spending."

👹 Cleaning out the fridge, which makes me want to run away and hide?

☣ "It's just a thing I do, so I don't let food go off."

😫 Writing a difficult email, which makes my brain want to shut down?

🤝🏻 "It's just a thing I do to avoid misunderstandings with others."

And so on.

And I'm not the only one who knows how powerful this word is.

There's a reason why Nike's tagline isn't "Do it".

So, remember this little word next time you're facing an emotionally charged task that makes you feel like you're up against a wall.

Sometimes, I have to tell myself, "It's just a thing I do..." several times before my brain realizes that the task isn't a vicious beast that's going to kill me.

For instance, when I remember that I need to call the tax office and the familiar fear and dread wells up in me, I say it to myself each time: "It's 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 when I 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘆𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵."

Eventually, the fear subsides, and I find myself embracing the challenge with more ease than I thought possible.

💡 This little mantra transforms my perspective.

🕊️ It calms my anxiety and it subsides into the background.

💪🏻 Best of all, it empowers me to take action.

Remember, the key isn't to eliminate fear—that's impossible. You want to demystify it, to normalize the task at hand.

Fear loses its grip when you realize that this “scary thing” is just another part of your journey, a step you're fully capable of taking.

So next time you're faced with something that scares you, maybe just tell yourself: "It's just a thing I do when I need to... ."

🌄 Watch as the power of these simple words moves mountains in your mind. Go on, take that step. Your courage is waiting on the other side.

❓ What's a scary thing you've done that you didn't imagine yourself doing? For me, it's regularly checking my credit card transactions.

Resources

If you need more help facing the things that make you want to run away and hide, I totally recommend this book* by Dr. Luana Marques. Bold Move is Harvard-based psychotherapist Dr. Luana’s unique, tried and tested method to get you out of your rut and give you the courage to create a more confident and meaningful life. Dr. Luana pinpoints the anxiety at the root of avoidance and shows you how to overcome it and achieve your goals.

Dr. Luana understands anxiety. After decades of research, teaching, and clinical practice, she realized that the coping techniques she learned from her mother and grandmother while growing up in challenging circumstances in Brazil mimicked science-based CBT therapy. Now, she has synthesized that knowledge, developing a 3-step path that works for everyone—from teens in crisis to executives experiencing burnout.

(Tip: If you listen to it on Audible, you might want to speed it up, just a teeny bit).

*This is an Amazon affiliate link. I spend a lot of time providing information and content and helping free of charge here and on other platforms, and I appreciate it if you decide to purchase anything via the links in my newsletter. It's a simple way to support the work I do without any extra cost to you. Thank you for being a part of this community and for your continued support!

P.S. I’m going away for a few days, and I’m cleaning out the fridge today so no-one gets food poisoning while I’m gone, so “It’s just a thing I do” is running on rewind through my head constantly this morning.