🦚 Exhausted by your ex's endless demands for attention?

You're lying there in bed, finally relaxing with a good book after a long day. The kids are asleep. You've told him you're tired and just want some peace. But he doesn't care.

He absolutely needs to talk because HE is suffering. HE needs to vent. When you try to resist, he raises his voice. You know he'll wake the children if you don't give in. So you put down your book and suffer through another one of his endless lectures about how everything is your fault.

Sound familiar?

If you've lived with a coercive controller, you’re all too familiar with these marathon torture sessions. The never-ending speeches. The interrogations that go on for hours. The way they corner you—literally and figuratively—until you’ve got no choice but to let their verbal assault wash over you.

As one woman shared with me recently:

For me, it was pure freeze. I'd be transported back to my childhood, to a moment when I was trapped in the kitchen while my dad harangued me nonstop about something I’d done wrong. My body would just want to shut down completely.

The haranguing doesn't end when you leave

Here's what nobody tells you before you escape an abusive relationship: you might not be under the same roof, but the endless lectures don't stop. They just evolve.

Your ex discovers that digital harassment can be even more effective than the in-person variety. Why? Because:

Suddenly, what used to be a two-hour kitchen lecture becomes:

Why time is their weapon of choice

Your ex wants to exhaust you into compliance. And in the post-separation context, it’s an added bonus for them that they’re squatting rent-free in your head. Think about it: every minute you spend processing their verbal vomit is a minute stolen from your peace, your children, your recovery.

The digital version is the same psychological warfare, just delivered through your phone. They know that if they can overwhelm your nervous system enough, your rational brain will go offline. When you're in that triggered state, you're more likely to:

When someone says, as one victim did to me, "it would be easier to just die," they’re not being dramatic. Their nervous system is going from freeze into shutdown. It means that your nervous system's freeze and dissociation survival strategies aren’t enough to make you feel safe around that person. Your body is giving you very important signals. Words gaslight. Your body never lies.

Breaking free from the digital prison

There’s something your ex doesn’t realize, though. You have more power than you think. The same technology they're using to terrorize you can become your shield.

Your time belongs to you now

Every moment you spend ruminating over their messages is a moment stolen from your healing, your children, and your new life. You left that relationship to reclaim your peace. Don't let them steal it back through your phone screen.

Remember: you survived living under the same roof with this person. You can absolutely survive their digital tantrums. The difference now is that you have an off button. You have the power to close the app, silence the notifications, and choose when (if ever) to engage.

Your ex is still trying to make you dance to their tune, but now you get to choose the music. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is turn off the song entirely.

Want to take back your time and energy?

Tired of feeling trapped by your ex's endless digital harassment? Ready to reclaim your time and your peace of mind? As a certified divorce coach specializing in post-separation abuse, I understand exactly what you're going through.

Book a free 30-minute discovery session with me, where you'll have the chance to:

• Share the specific challenges you're facing with your abusive ex.

• Get more clarity on the outcomes you truly want for yourself and your children.

• Identify the obstacles that have been preventing you from parenting with confidence.

• Explore how my coaching approach can help you in your unique situation.

Even if we decide not to work together, you'll walk away with greater clarity and direction than when you started. This conversation alone can be the first step toward taking charge of your time, your energy, and your bandwidth.

Want to know more about what I do?

Resources

If you're struggling with the overwhelming nature of post-separation harassment, I highly recommend The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (a favorite of mine).

This groundbreaking book explains exactly why your nervous system goes into shutdown mode when you’re faced with relentless harassment. More importantly, it offers guidance on how to help your body heal from chronic activation. Van der Kolk's work helps you understand that your freeze response isn't weakness; it's your nervous system trying to protect you from an overwhelming threat.

The book includes practical techniques for regulating your nervous system, from breathing exercises to movement practices that can help you feel more grounded when your ex tries to hijack your peace. Understanding the neuroscience behind your trauma responses can be incredibly empowering.

When you know why your body reacts the way it does to your ex's harassment, you can start developing strategies to support yourself through it. This book is essential reading for anyone trying to heal while still dealing with ongoing abuse.