🐜 Got fleas?

The fleas I'm talking about come from the saying, "Lie down with dogs and you're bound to get fleas."

When you're in an abusive relationship with a toxic person, you develop maladaptive coping strategies. You're trying to stay on your abuser's good side and you unconsciously emulate the way they behave.

The problem is, when you end the relationship, these behaviours have become ingrained, part of your automatic responses.

This happened to me. I met my current partner after leaving my ex, and he called me out on my sometimes unkind or manipulative behaviors.

So did my mother. She said "This isn't the Rina I used to know."

I started working on myself, through therapy, self-reflection, and honest conversations.

I shed these fleas and developed my empathy muscles.

I dug out the real me who'd been buried under the influence of a toxic relationship.

Are you ready to rediscover your true self after throwing off the chains of an abusive relationship?

I'm here to guide you through this journey of self-renewal and empowerment.

Want to know how I can help you?

Here’s a little tip for communicating with your abusive ex:

🥪 Think of it like a sandwich.

▶ Start with something positive to flatter them.

▶ Give them your response

▶ Make a positive suggestion for the future.

For instance, say you get a message like this from your ex:

𝗛𝗲𝘆, 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸𝗲𝗻𝗱. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲. 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘂𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻𝘀.

🎯 Start with something positive: "I appreciate how punctual you always are."

🎯 Give them your response: "This weekend, they'll be ready by 10 AM as we agreed. I've prepared everything to ensure a smooth transition."

🎯 Make a positive suggestion for the future: "For future weekends, let's keep coordinating the night before. This way, we can both plan and keep things consistent for the kids."

Pro tip: When you start with a positive comment, genuinely acknowledge something they actually do well. Avoid patronizing your ex.

Has someone forwarded this email to you?

I don’t have any book recommendations this week, but I came across this short video (just over one minute). I’d like you to watch it and think about how you’re filling your warehouse of possibility until, one day, those disempowering thoughts about your ex are going to get pushed out the door.

See you next week!