🦚 How to thrive after a narcissistic relationship

You've finally found your way out of that toxic relationship, the kind where the narcissist reigned supreme and your sense of self was buried under layers of manipulation and control.

You're standing at the edge of a new beginning, but instead of feeling liberated, you're constantly hit by a wave after wave of chaos.

The world around you buzzes with possibilities. But your mind is a jumble of racing thoughts and forgotten tasks. Sound familiar?

You're not alone.

Too many people who escape the clutches of an abusive relationship find themselves grappling with symptoms that eerily mimic ADHD, leaving them overwhelmed and disoriented. And for those who DO have ADHD, it makes it much worse.*

You know the drill: scattered thoughts, trouble focusing, memory fog—it's like your brain's trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle. But don’t lose heart. There's a way to tame this mental circus, and it's all about creating systems.

Why systems matter

Systems are your best friends right now. They're the sturdy scaffolding you need to support your daily life, helping you build a new life amidst the chaos. Think of them as your personal GPS, guiding you through the day with less stress and more efficiency.

Routine is key

Establish a daily routine that works for you. Start small—like setting a specific wake-up time or designating a “quiet hour” for yourself. Consistency is soothing and helps anchor your day.

I’m a morning person, so I have a morning routine that, I must admit, sometimes feels like it’s “more honoured in the breach than the observance”, to quote Hamlet. But some elements of that routine have become so engrained that I follow them practically 100% of the time, even when I let everything else drop (my dental hygienist would be REALLY proud of me because flossing is one of those things). At the moment, working on this newsletter before checking my emails or socials in the morning is also part of that routine.

I turn into a pumpkin after 8 pm, and my evening routine is basically flossing and brushing my teeth before I fall into bed in time to get a decent night’s sleep but if you’re a night owl, maybe you want to come up with a routine that helps you get stuff done at night.

Lists, lists, lists

Make to-do lists your new BFFs. Whether it's a grocery list or a list of tasks for the day, writing things down helps clear the mental clutter and gives you a sense of accomplishment as you tick off each item. You can set yourself reminders to look at that list and choose one thing to do, or make that action part of your morning routine.

Break it down

Big tasks can feel insurmountable, so break them into smaller, manageable steps. You can stick a couple of those steps on your to-do list every day. This approach doesn’t just make the tasks less daunting but also gives you more opportunities to celebrate those small wins.

Mindful moments 

Incorporate moments of mindfulness into your day. Whether it's a short meditation, a walk in nature, or simply a few deep breaths, these pauses help reset your mind and reduce overwhelm.

Digital helpers 

Use apps and digital tools to streamline your life. Calendar apps, reminders, and note-taking tools can help keep you organized and on track.

Check the resources section below for a couple of my favorite digital helpers.

Get support 

Don't hesitate to lean on your support network. Whether it's friends, family, or a therapist, having people to share your journey with can be incredibly grounding.

My biggest support has come in the form of productivity coach Jenae Spry, who has dragged me, kicking and screaming (or sometimes it felt like that to her, I’m sure), from being unproductive, distracted, and overwhelmed, into my (relatively) much more organized and focused present self.

Remember, rebuilding your life after narcissistic abuse is a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with yourself, and know that each step forward is a victory. By creating and sticking to systems, you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving.

*If you think you have ADHD, consider getting specialized help from a qualified expert as well.

Want to know how I can help you?

As a certified divorce coach, experienced in helping victims of narcissists, I specialize in guiding people like you through the complexities of rebuilding your life after leaving a narcissistic relationship.

Imagine having personalized strategies and systems tailored to your unique challenges, helping you regain focus, control, and peace. Let's work together to transform your chaos into calm and create a future where you're not just surviving, but truly thriving.

Book a 30-minute discovery call with me today and take the first step towards reclaiming your life. Together, we’ll explore how I can support you in overcoming post-separation abuse and achieving the clarity and empowerment you deserve.

If you want to know more about me…

Resources

Aimee says is a great help if you’re struggling to get started with creating systems. Aimee’s an an AI that’s trained in the world of domestic and post-separation intimate partner violence. She can do everything that ChatGPT can as well, with the benefit of complete confidentiality.

Aimee can help you break down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps and give you tailored suggestions for building effective routines that help mitigate that scattered feeling associated with ADHD-like symptoms. Aimee can also work with you to identify and prioritize tasks, helping you focus on what's most important and avoid getting sidetracked by less critical activities.

(BTW, don’t forget that you can use my prompt guide with Aimee says as well. If you haven’t downloaded it yet and you still want to, use the email you get this newsletter at so you won’t be resubscribed).

If you’re constantly getting sucked into social media rabbit holes that steal your time or shopping apps that punch huge holes in your bank balance, I recommend Appblock. I have the paid version on my own phone and it’s worth it because it stops me scrolling after 9 pm Sunday to Thursday and before midday every weekday. There’s also a browser extension, so if you’re working on something and know that you’re going to be tempted to check certain websites when you shouldn’t, you can block these sites for a certain period.

I have a grocery list in my Notes app, for each store I go to regularly. It’s in the order of where the items are as I go around the store, and as something’s needed, I’ll check the tick box in the list. Before I go into the store, I’ll go through the list and tick anything I think we need. Then I make myself look at it before the checkout. I never stick to it 100% (i.e., I always buy stuff that’s not on the list), but it helps me avoid that experience where you go to the store and buy everything except that one thing you actually need.

Last but not least, Jenae Spry, my business and productivity coach, is offering a week-long sprint at the end of October, The Time Vampire Cure, to help you double your productivity, for only $7.