🦚The jet-set jackass

About 2 nanoseconds before their time with you, your kids stumble off the plane from their summer time with Daddy looking like extras from a zombie apocalypse movie. They’re sick (because, of course, they picked up some virus at the end of the trip), exhausted, and emotionally fried to a crisp. Meanwhile, your ex’s Instagram is probably littered with pictures of him posing with the kids at Stonehenge, Machu Picchu, and every tourist trap between here and hell.

What should be quality time with your children, i.e. your own vacation time with them, becomes you looking after your ill, exhausted little ones while Prince Charming gets to play “World’s Greatest Dad” to his 47 Facebook followers.

This is what vacation sabotage looks like. It’s manipulation with a passport, and it’s as calculated as a Swiss watchmaker’s revenge fantasy.

There’s one thing you can bet on with complete certainty if your ex is a coercive controller. He WILL co-opt and try to outdo you in the things you love to do. So if you’re a travel bug yourself and always dreamed of showing your kids your favorite destinations, get ready for the following scenario.

The “Jetsetting Dad” playbook

These walking personality disorders follow the same script with the reliability of a German train schedule, because creativity isn't exactly their strong suit.

The death march disguised as adventure. Your ex packs more cities into a week than a European backpacker on crystal meth. Different hotel every night, museums until the kids are practically weeping with exhaustion, and enough forced fun to make Disney World look like a meditation retreat.

The strategic handoff from hell. These masters of psychological warfare squeeze every last second out of their custody time like they’re mining gold from a depleted claim. They book their departure for the second their time starts and return the kids at the absolute last legal moment, preferably with bonus jet lag and a side of stomach flu. You get to spend the first half of your precious parenting time nursing them back to human status while they recover from Hurricane Narcissist.

The performative parenting spectacular. Twenty-seven museum visits in four days because nothing says “quality time” like death-marching children through cultural landmarks while taking selfies. Unlike you, they’re not trying to connect with their kids. They only care about the performance, the optics, the ability to point to their social media and say “Look how amazing I am” while their kids develop PTSD from overstimulation.

Constant drives. This subspecies of travel terrorist believes that quality time is measured in miles driven rather than meaningful moments shared. They’ll pack the kids in the car for ten-hour drives, just to spend ninety minutes at some roadside attraction before loading everyone back up for another marathon to the next “must-see” destination. They’re honestly convinced that they’re superhuman and don’t need to take a break every couple of hours to recharge themselves. Your kids have to be practically peeing in their seats before they’ll allow a bathroom break.

The kids spend more time strapped into car seats than actually experiencing anything, but hey, look at all those pins on the map! They get some kind of twisted satisfaction from covering the maximum territory in minimum time, like they're trying to set a land-speed record for crappy parenting.

Why this is psychological warfare

Real parents, the kind who actually give a hoot about their children's wellbeing, understand that exhausted kids aren’t happy kids. They plan trips that include downtime and consider their children’s actual interests and needs.

But your garden-variety abusive ex isn't operating from a place of love. Their focus is on control, competition, and on meeting an insatiable need to prove they’re the superior parent. Their children’s actual experience is about as relevant to them as ethics are to a payday loan company.

To outside observers (i.e. the few people who actually bother to look at their Instagram posts), it might look like they’re giving their kids amazing experiences. But they’re not. They’re just exerting power over your time, positioning themselves as the fun parent while you handle the boring stuff like recovery and routine, and making sure you know exactly who’s calling the shots in this post-divorce power struggle.

The avoidance tactic masquerading as engagement

Here’s the dirty little secret about all that manic activity: when every moment is packed with external stimulation, there’s zero space for genuine connection. No awkward conversations about feelings. No dealing with the kids’ actual emotional needs and wants. No risk of having to engage with their children as actual human beings with complex inner lives.

It’s easier to drag traumatized kids through ancient ruins than to sit with them and talk about how they’re really doing. It’s simpler to schedule seventeen activities than to deal with their child’s internal reality. So they choose the path of least emotional resistance while they act like parent of the year on social media.

How to survive your ex’s travel terrorism

Document everything like you’re building a legal case, because you might be. Track when your kids come back sick or late due to delayed flights, note the recovery time, and document the impact on your scheduled activities. These patterns matter, especially if you end up back in court with Captain Wanderlust.

Don’t take the bait. Resist every urge to compete with this traveling circus. Your kids don’t need you to plan competing adventures or feel guilty about offering stability instead of chaos. They need a parent who’s emotionally available, not a travel agent with attachment issues. If you and your kids enjoy traveling and have the financial means, do it on your own terms and in line with your and your kids’ needs.

Build buffer time into your schedule. Plan for the fact that your first day or two will be devoted to helping your shell-shocked children remember what normal feels like. Low-key activities, comfort food, and emotional decompression should be your default setting.

Ignore the direct confrontation trap. Manipulative exes use any feedback as intelligence about what’s working to push your buttons. Expressing concern about the pattern just hands them a roadmap to make it worse. Save your breath and focus on being the stable, consistent parent your kids desperately need. Set firm boundaries when you need to, but don’t show them your cards unless you absolutely have to.

Validate without criticism. Your children might have genuinely enjoyed parts of their adventures while also feeling completely overwhelmed. Help them process all their feelings without making them feel guilty about enjoying time with their other parent, even if that parent is a walking case study in narcissistic parenting.

The long game is all about nurturing and consistency

Here's what these jet-setting jackasses don't understand: children eventually learn the difference between authentic connection and performative antics. The parent who provides emotional stability, actually listens to their concerns, and prioritizes their real needs over Instagram-worthy moments builds relationships that last.

Your ex might win the short-term competition for most exciting parent, but you're building the foundation for lifelong trust and genuine connection. That kind of relationship can't be bought with airmiles or manufactured through constant motion.

I know what I’m talking about here. Since my divorce, my kids have been on skiing trips in the Swiss Alps and visits to other European hotspots with their dad. The only trips I’ve taken them on were a 2-day stay, a day’s drive away in our province, to do whale watching and kayaking, and a week-long camping trip in the next province. Those trips are among their most precious memories, and mine, too.

The exhaustion, manipulation, and emotional terrorism you're experiencing are real. Trust your instincts, focus on the healing and stability you provide, and remember that authentic parenting isn't measured in passport stamps. What matters is showing up consistently for who your children actually are, not who someone else needs them to be for the perfect travel photo.

These narcissistic frequent flyers can keep their theatrical adventures. You’ve got something they’ll never have: the ability to be genuinely present with your children, chaos and all.

Have you survived the vacation sabotage campaign? Share your war stories in the comments or in a response to this email. Sometimes, the best medicine for dealing with a coercively controlling ex is knowing you're not the only one fighting this particular brand of insanity.

Want to know how I can help you?

Are you exhausted from being the parent who handles recovery and routine while your ex gets all the credit for being “fun”?

Feel free to contact me for a 30-minute consultation, free of charge, where you can finally talk to someone who understands that your ex’s action is strategic manipulation designed to disrupt your time and positioning.

I’ll help you recognize the difference between genuine connection and performative frenzy that just exhausts your children and undermines your parenting time. We’ll identify what patterns are keeping you reactive and defensive, and explore strategies for protecting both your children’s wellbeing and your own sanity.

You’ll leave with clarity about what acts of sabotage by your ex actually look like, validation that the exhaustion and frustration are real and justified, and practical approaches for maintaining your role as the stable, nurturing parent without getting pulled into their game.

Want to know more about what I do?

Resources

While your ex might win the Instagram travel competition, you’re building something far more valuable: genuine connection with your children. This Search Institute guide, Bringing Developmental Relationships Home, offers research-backed strategies for creating the kind of authentic parent-child relationships that actually matter.

The framework focuses on five essential actions: expressing care, challenging growth, providing support, sharing power, and expanding possibility. What makes this resource particularly relevant is that it emphasizes being present and responsive to who your children actually are, rather than performing parenting for external validation.

The guide includes 20 practical activities designed to strengthen your relationship through everyday interactions, no passport required. From “Unplug and Focus” (giving your child your undivided attention without distractions) to “Surface Strengths” (helping children recognize their own positive qualities), these activities build the emotional safety and consistent presence that children from high-conflict divorces desperately need.

Research indicates that these developmental relationships account for 42% of the variation in children's character strength development. That’s far more than demographics or external circumstances. While your ex exhausts your kids with whirlwind tours, you can focus on what actually shapes resilient, emotionally healthy children: predictable care, genuine interest, and steady support.

The activities require time and intentionality, but not expensive trips or elaborate productions. They’re designed around the kind of authentic engagement that creates lasting security. And that’s exactly what children need when they’re dealing with the chaos of having a manipulative parent.

[Download the full guide from Search Institute]