🦚The game changer in your battle with your abusive ex

What if I told you there's a 24/7 strategic thinking partner that never judges, never gets tired, and saves you from having to waste money venting to your lawyer?

When I was facing the possibility of being forced to leave Canada because my ex refused to sign immigration forms, my brain was hijacked by trauma. I fired off emotional responses that later came back to haunt me in court.

That's when I realized every survivor needs what I jokingly called "Jane"—a strategic thinking partner who could help them analyze manipulative messages and write empowering responses without the emotional charge.

Then ChatGPT launched, and everything changed.

Here's what I've been noticing

Over the past year and a half of writing this newsletter, the same patterns keep showing up in your messages to me:

“I can't think straight when he sends these emails.”
“I freeze up when I need to respond strategically.”
“I wish I had someone to help me see through his manipulation.”
“I'm so tired of letting trauma brain make my decisions.”

And, in some of my posts and my download From Chaos to Calm, I've been showing you how AI can be that strategic thinking partner you've been wishing for.

The Narc Decoder. Yellow Rock responses. Strategy suggestions based on your ex’s messages.

These are more than just clever prompts for ChatGPT et al. They're lifelines when your nervous system is in overdrive.

What I'm working on

I'm expanding my prompt guide that's helped so many of you decode manipulative messages and craft strategic responses into a comprehensive book with the working title “Using AI for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: A Post-Separation Survival Guide.”

I'm building on everything that's already working in the prompt guide, starting with the techniques you've told me have been game-changers, and adding much more.

A preview of what's inside

Why I'm writing this

I've watched too many brilliant survivors freeze up when they’re faced with their ex's latest manipulation tactic. I've seen protective parents lose ground in court because trauma brain kicked in at exactly the wrong moment when they were communicating with their ex.

The family court system expects you to be a perfect robot when you’re dealing with someone who’s spent years breaking down your ability to think clearly.

But here's what I've discovered: When fear and trauma shut down your prefrontal cortex, outsourcing your strategic thinking can be a lifesaver.

Empowerment, not dependence

I’ve read numerous concerns from various sources that using AI erodes people’s brain power. In my book, I specifically counter this, with a system that uses AI as training wheels until you can think strategically on your own again, as well as prompts that encourage you to exercise your critical thinking skills.

It’s like having a life preserver. You grab it when you're drowning, but the goal is to reach steady ground where you don’t need it any more. My goal is your ultimate empowerment.

Quotes from the battlefield

Coming in the next few months

I'm putting the finishing touches on this book right now. It will include everything from the prompt guide, plus:

Want to be the first to know when it's ready?

I'll be sharing updates and sneak peeks with my newsletter readers first. If you know someone who's struggling with post-separation abuse, forward this to them. They can sign up here.

A quick reminder about safety

While AI can be incredibly helpful for strategic thinking and emotional support, it should never replace professional legal advice or crisis intervention.

If you're in immediate danger, contact law enforcement or a domestic violence hotline immediately.

Want to know how I can help you?

I'm offering a 30-minute personalized consultation, free of charge, so you can get the support you need.

I know things have been tough lately, so I want to hear from you about the specific challenges you're facing with your ex. I'm here to help you get clarity on the outcomes you truly want for yourself and your children.

We'll work together to identify any obstacles that might have been holding you back. You'll get an idea of how my coaching approach can help you in your unique situation.

By the time you're done, you'll have a clearer sense of direction than when you started.

Want to know more about what I do?

Resources

Try this right now: The Yellow Rock response prompt

Since you're here, let me give you the exact prompt that's helped numerous people write strategic responses to their manipulative exes. This is straight from my prompt guide. The prompt is long, with examples of ideal and bad messages, but that’s what makes it so effective.

The Yellow Rock Response Prompt:

Imagine you need to respond to a message from a narcissistic and/or coercively controlling ex-partner. The goal is to communicate effectively while minimizing the potential for conflict or emotional manipulation. The response must be friendly and approachable, with the use of statements rather than questions to add a sense of firmness and clarity to the arrangements.

General background: [Fill out]

Ex-partner's message: [Fill out]

Specific background to the message: [Fill out]

Respond to this message, taking into account the background details given above and following the guidelines and examples given below:

Guidelines to follow:

Combine the Yellow Rock and BIFF Methods:

Keep the message brief and to the point (BIFF: brief).

Ensure the message contains only the necessary factual information, without any personal opinions or emotions (BIFF: informative and Yellow Rock: neutral tone).

Maintain a polite and cordial tone throughout the message, avoiding any hostility or unnecessary warmth (BIFF: friendly and Yellow Rock: maintain politeness and civility).

Be clear about any boundaries or specific points that are non-negotiable, but do so in a way that is not confrontational (BIFF: firm and Yellow Rock: direct and clear).

Specific details to include:

Mention the specific reason for the communication (e.g., arranging a time to collect personal items).

Provide clear details about what is needed or expected (e.g., date and time for the exchange, list of items to be returned).

Reiterate any previously agreed-upon arrangements if relevant (Yellow Rock: set boundaries).

Avoid any language that could be interpreted as an invitation to further discussion or personal interaction.

Tone and style:

The message should read as neutral but friendly and cordial. Use contractions.

It should not leave any room for misinterpretation or extended discussion.

Use contractions for an informal tone, but use statements rather than questions to add a sense of firmness and clarity.

The message should reflect an understanding of the sensitivity of communicating with a narcissistic individual, showing respect but also a clear boundary.

Example request:

“Please create a message for me to send to my narcissistic ex-partner. We need to arrange a time for me to collect some personal belongings from their house. I want the message to be respectful yet distant, using the Yellow Rock and BIFF methods to ensure the communication is effective and doesn't encourage any further unnecessary interaction.”

Bad example of a message (too formal):

Hello [ex-partner's name],

I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to arrange a convenient time for me to collect my personal belongings from your house. Per our previous agreement, I plan to come by on Saturday, November 26th, between 10 AM and 12 PM.

Please confirm if this time works for you or suggest an alternative within the same timeframe. I intend to make this process as smooth and quick as possible.

Thank you for your cooperation on this matter.

Best regards,

[Your name]

Bad example of a message (this message is more informal, but wording like "could you" lacks the necessary firmness. You need to strike a balance between cordiality and firmness):

Hi [ex-partner's name],

Hope you're doing well. I'm writing to sort out a time to pick up my personal belongings from your place. As we'd agreed earlier, I'm planning to come by this Saturday, November 26th, between 10 AM and 12 PM.

Could you confirm if this time works well for you, or let me know if there's a better slot within that window? I'd like to keep this quick and straightforward.

Thanks for your help with this.

Best,

[Your name]

Good example of message (maintains the brief, informative, friendly, and firm approach but with a touch more informality due to the use of contractions):

Hi [ex-partner's name],

Hope you're well. I'm writing to confirm that I’ll be picking up my personal belongings from your place. I'll be coming by this Saturday, November 26th, between 10 AM and 12 PM, as we previously discussed.

Please let me know if this time works for you. I aim to make this process as efficient as possible.

Appreciate your cooperation.

Best,

[Your name]