💪 The number one rule of dealing with an abusive ex:

I know I need an intense workout in the morning before I start my work day. If I don't, I'm an unproductive mess the rest of the day.

And that leads me to rule 𝗻𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮:

→ 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲.

If I don't put on my workout clothes FIRST THING when I get up, my workout ain't gonna happen.

So, I keep them folded in a basket in the bathroom. That way I don't have to ruffle through drawers in the early morning darkness.

OK, now that I've got the analogy out of the way:

When you're dealing with an abusive ex (or boss, or neighbour or colleague), rule no. 1 works like this:

💡 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝘂𝗹𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗯𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗻𝗮𝗿𝗸𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁𝘀.

OR

💡 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁𝘀.

Self-insight gives you an excellent advantage.

It's like having a map of your emotional landscape to help you navigate tricky situations.

With this map in hand, you should have strategies in place to steer you clear of stormy waters and find the route to peace and healing.

🛠 A habitual mantra you say to yourself to keep your focus.

🛠 A trusted friend you can call to vent or a therapist or coach.

🛠 Email filters to redirect certain messages to a separate folder.

🛠 Deep breathing exercises to calm yourself before responding.

The key is to anticipate your reactions and have tools at your disposal to manage them.

✨ This International Women’s Day, it’s time to start reclaiming your power

Most of you reading this are women. And the ones who aren’t are among the biggest champions of women that I know.

As we unite to celebrate International Women’s Day, let’s embrace a simple yet mind-blowing truth we sometimes forget: Each one of you has an incredible strength inside you, one that can turn shadows into light and turmoil into peace.

Today isn't just a day to high-five each other for all the amazing things we, as women, have achieved worldwide (though that's pretty awesome too).

It's also about giving a big shout-out to YOU for the incredible journey you're on, especially after everything you've been through. You're not just getting by; you're shining bright, showing what true resilience looks like.

On this International Women’s Day, I want you, yes YOU, to take a moment to acknowledge your incredible courage, the courage that made you leave an abusive relationship.

Marie Forleo says that "everything is figureoutable," a mantra that rings especially true for you. You've faced challenges that would have made others falter, yet here you stand, a testament to your own strength and tenacity. You’re more than a survivor; you are a creator of your destiny, a shaper of your dreams.

So, here's to you—yes, YOU. To your unyielding courage, your unmatched beauty, and your indomitable will. Take a moment today to look in the mirror and acknowledge the powerhouse that stares back at you. Celebrate her, acknowledge and validate ALL her feelings, and give her the love she deserves.

Because if there's anyone who can turn pain into power and adversity into opportunity, it's you.

11 years ago, I walked out of an abusive marriage.

I'd only been in Canada 2 years, and my husband called my mom in Ireland, saying "Rina will end up on your doorstep."

I was homeless. I had no income to speak of. I lost my health coverage. My kids lost their health coverage.

I wasn't prepared for the wave of vitriol and vindictiveness that was to come.

The next few years were the most difficult ones of my life.

If I had to do it again, I would.

I would go through all that again because freedom, happiness, and peace were waiting for me on the other side.

They're waiting for you too.

Want to know how I can help you?

Has someone shared this newsletter with you?

It’s finally out!

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This book is aimed at survivors and their own experiences. It’s not about putting more energy into the narcissists in our lives. It’s about healing ourselves and protecting ourselves in situations where we have to deal with. It’s also about giving ourselves the tools we need to heal ourselves. It truly is an essential part of our healing journey.

*This is an Amazon affiliate link. I spend a lot of time providing information and content and helping free of charge here and on other platforms, and I appreciate it if you decide to purchase anything via the links in my newsletter. It's a simple way to support the work I do without any extra cost to you. Thank you for being a part of this community and for your continued support!

Last but not least

Earlier this week, I received this message from a client.

I want to reiterate what I said to the client. You’re the captain, not me. I’m just the person who shines a light for you, so you can see the possibilities. You’re the one who does the work to create that better future for yourself and your children. And, for that, I admire you. So stick that sticker on yourself!