🕵🏻‍♀️ Profiling your ex

Strategy is everything when you’re in a high-conflict divorce or custody battle with an abuser.

Your strategic advantage starts with a profound understanding of who you’re dealing with: knowing your ex’s strengths and weaknesses. This is where a SWOT analysis comes in.

What is a SWOT analysis?

A SWOT analysis is a powerful business tool I’ve adapted to help you profile your ex.

SWOT stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. It helps you assess both internal and external factors that could impact your strategy:

Strengths (internal, helpful): Traits that your ex may use to their advantage in a conflict.

Weaknesses (internal, harmful): Areas where your ex may be vulnerable or less effective.

Opportunities (external, helpful): External circumstances or scenarios that you can leverage to your advantage in the conflict.

Threats (external, harmful): External factors that could pose risks to your position or well-being.

Doing a SWOT analysis when you’re dealing with a narcissistic, abusive ex can empower you with insights to form a more tailored and effective strategy.

Conducting a SWOT analysis on your ex

When you’re dealing with a narcissistic and abusive ex, you need to focus your analysis to uncover actionable insights. Here are some key questions to guide each section of your SWOT analysis:

Strengths

🕶️ What tactics has your ex successfully used in conflicts before (e.g., manipulation, charm)?

💼 What are your ex’s most influential traits or resources (e.g., financial stability, social influence)?

🏛️ In what ways has your ex demonstrated effectiveness in legal or social settings?

Weaknesses

💣 What triggers your ex’s negative or destructive behaviours?

💦 Where does your ex typically falter under pressure (e.g., lack of factual evidence, emotional instability)?

🎭 Are there inconsistencies in your ex’s stories or behaviours that you can document?

Opportunities

📅 Are there upcoming situations where your ex might be more likely to expose their true nature (e.g., court dates, mediation sessions)?

👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏻 How can you use your support network or legal resources to strengthen your position?

🧠 How can you use your knowledge of your ex’s emotional triggers to maintain control in interactions, so you stay calm and collected to contrast with their potentially erratic behaviour?

🔮 How can you predict and prepare for your ex’s potential actions based on past behaviour?

Threats

⚔️ What are your ex's potential retaliations or escalations in response to your strategies?

📢 How might your ex try to manipulate others against you, and how can you preemptively address these attempts?

🚨 What are the possible legal or social repercussions if tensions increase?

Now turn it on yourself

If you really want to up your game, do a SWOT analysis on yourself as well. It will help you hone in on your own weak and strong areas and head off your ex’s attempts to undermine you.

Questions to guide your self-SWOT analysis

Your strengths

💪 What personal, legal, or financial resources do you have that can aid your case?

🌟 What emotional resources do you have (e.g. resilience, optimism, a sense of humour)?

📜 What aspects of your character or background can enhance your credibility and reliability in the eyes of the court?

🔍 How does your understanding of the ex-partner’s behaviour give you insight or leverage?

🤗 What supportive networks (friends, family, professionals) do you have?

Your weaknesses

😟 What are your emotional or psychological vulnerabilities in this conflict?

🎯 Are there any aspects of your behavior or past that the ex-partner could exploit?

🌩️ How do stress and pressure from the conflict affect your decision-making or emotional stability?

📊 What financial or resource limitations do you face?

Your opportunities

🛠 What legal, therapeutic, or community resources are available that you haven’t yet utilized?

🔄 Are there upcoming changes in law, shifts in social attitudes, or other external factors that could support your position?

🎓 How can you strengthen your case or personal well-being through education, therapy, or strategic alliances?

Your threats

🚧 What potential legal or personal challenges could the ex-partner create for you?

🤸🏻‍♀️ How might changes in your life circumstances (e.g., job loss, relocation) impact the case?

⚡ Are there indications that your ex might try to manipulate or harm you or others around you?

Tailoring your strategy

You can use these detailed SWOT analyses to craft a strategy that plays to your strengths, compensates for your weaknesses, leverages opportunities, and mitigates threats.

Always remember that planning strategically and acting consistently is part of a long game. It’s not a magic pill for healing the pain you feel now or a magic wand that’s going to instantly change your situation.

Instead, consider this process as you setting the stage for a future where you stand strong, free from manipulation and control.

This will ensure that every step you take is calculated and moves you toward a more empowered, stable, and secure life.

Want to know how I can help you?

I’d love to hear from you if you have any more questions you think would make a SWOT analysis even better. Also, if you need any help doing this or came up with any amazing insights you want to share, feel free to contact me. Just reply to this newsletter