🦚 The first rule of unmasking your narcissist ex

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. 🤫 

I’m writing a book. And I want to do it well. So, I’ve been listening to “Writing Creative Nonfiction” by Tilar J. J. Mazzeo on Audible. One of the first principles she hammers home is “Show, Don’t Tell”. If you’ve ever done a creative writing class, this has probably been drilled into you. After all, it’s what makes writing compelling and effective.

When you’re battling a narcissist in the family court system, “show, don’t tell” should be your mantra too. Think of it like you're crafting a compelling narrative. And every good narrative needs pictures and descriptions, not just empty words.

So, when you’re facing a judge or an evaluator, ditch the labels. Throwing around terms like “narcissist”, “coercive controller”, or “abuser” might feel satisfying, but it’s like shouting into the wind. The “show, don’t tell” approach, on the other hand, is simple and powerful, and that’s what makes it so beautiful.

Imagine you’re documenting a saga. Each email that made you cringe away from your inbox, every text message that made you dread your phone notifications, yet another angry voice message blowing up your voicemail? Those are your plot points. Threats spat out in anger, manipulative moves to control your life, a barrage of contradictory lies designed to keep you off balance? Detail them with precision—descriptions, dates, times, locations, and if you can, witnesses.

You’re doing more than just creating a record. You’re painting a vivid picture for the court. You’re making the invisible visible.

Vividly documenting your ex’s abuse isn’t easy

Yes, it’s tough. Yes, it’s soul-sucking work. Documenting all this and sorting through it can be incredibly draining, not to mention triggering.

Know what's even harder and even more painful?

Letting your abuser control the narrative and maintain their power over you because you didn't take action when you had the chance.

So, stay strong. You can do this.

And on the days you feel like you can't, remember, you're not alone. There are people who have walked this path before you and emerged stronger on the other side. Connect with them, lean on your support network, and keep moving forward.

Here’s how show, don’t tell worked for me

When my ex-husband refused to sign the forms to let me include our minor children in my permanent residence application after he left Canada, “show, don’t tell” is what got us fast-tracked to permanent residence within 9 months instead of the 24 months it should have taken. I told Immigration Canada how this was an extension of the abuse he had subjected me to during and since our marriage, with a description of events that apparently brought a senior manager in Immigration to tears.

Just like I did then, you're rewriting your story, one truth at a time. Keep showing, not just telling.

Want to know how I can help you?

Are you ready to take back control of the story? You don't have to tackle this alone. I understand the challenges and the emotional drain of navigating the court system, especially when you’re facing a narcissistic ex.

Book a free 30-minute discovery call with me today, and let's explore how I can help you craft your compelling narrative. Whether you’re gathering evidence, documenting your experiences, or strategizing for your court appearances, I'm here to guide you every step of the way.

To find out more about what I do…

Resources

If you’re knee-deep in the battlefield of family court, you need more than just hope and good intentions. You need strategy, and more importantly, you need a documentation system that doesn’t just gather dust but gets results. Enter Tina Swithin’s documentation course, which you can find at One Moms Battle under the Online Courses tab.*

It’s based on Tina’s own documentation system, which helped her flip the script in her own, seemingly intractable child custody case. Tina’s documentation approach is like having a secret weapon. It’s designed to make even the most jaded professionals sit up and take notice.

Documentation doesn’t have to be difficult, and this course will help you turn the overwhelming mess of events and messages in your divorce or custody battle into a clear, compelling story that you can present to your lawyer at any stage or use to represent yourself in court.

*Enroll in Tina Swithin’s powerful documentation course through my affiliate link, and I’ll throw in an hour of free coaching just for you. Why? Because I believe in equipping you with not just the tools, but the personalized guidance to wield them effectively.

Together, we'll examine the specifics of your situation, so that you can implement Tina’s system with precision and confidence. Once you’ve purchased the course either alone or in combination with other courses Tina offers (make sure it’s via the affiliate link), let me know by responding to this email or via the contact form on my website, and we’ll book your session.

And if you want to know more about how I can help you…