🦚 Think your family judge is a narcissist?

Is your judge, GAL, or parenting coordinator in your custody case against your narcissistic ex showing signs of being a narcissist themselves?

If so, you’re probably thinking, "Great, just what I needed—another narcissist to deal with." I get it. You’re facing off against a narcissistic ex, and now it seems like you've got a judge or expert who ticks quite a few NPD boxes. Narcissists look out for each other, right?

Not really. When you’ve got two narcissists in the same space—especially one as high-stakes and ego-driven as a courtroom—it’s not a tag-team situation. It’s a battle royale. It’s the old, “There can be only one” Highlander effect. When they're triggered, narcissists don't play well with others, especially those who threaten their precious sense of superiority.

So how do you turn this potential circus into an advantage? Buckle up. Here's the game plan:

Stay cool, stay classy

When you're the one who’s calm, composed, and respectful, you’re doing more than just being the adult in the room. You’re shining a bright light on the narcissist’s antics. All judges, narcissist or not, appreciate the person who makes their job easier. And trust me, they notice who’s being a pain in the ass.

Assemble the A-Team

You need a savvy lawyer who gets narcissism inside and out, who can sniff out the tactics your ex will pull. Bonus points if they know how to cater to a judge’s ego. Having a pro in your corner who gets the narcissistic playbook means you’ll be two steps ahead, positioning yourself as the sane, cooperative one while the other side self-destructs.

Appeal to the hero complex

Every narcissist loves a good hero arc, especially when they’re the hero. If your judge has that vibe, subtly feed into it. Frame your case in a way that makes them feel like they’re swooping in to save the day. Oh, and if your ex disrespects the judge? Point it out. Narcissists loathe being disrespected.

Know your enemy’s playbook

The better you understand the narcissistic dynamics in play, the better you can navigate without stepping on a landmine. You’re not looking for a direct confrontation here—you’re setting traps that the narcissists will trigger themselves.

Be careful, though. When you’re dealing with narcissists, things can get chaotic. One minute they’re tearing into each other; the next, they might team up against you if their egos feel threatened. Be ready for anything.

Always treat these professionals in your case with deference, whether or not they’re nursing a personality disorder. Be strategic, be respectful, but never lose sight of your goal—a fair outcome, not a trophy. Because at the end of the day, it's not about "winning" against an ex. It’s about standing out as the sane, stable parent who genuinely wants what's best for the kids.

And just to be clear—I’m not saying slap a "narcissist" label on your ex or the judge. We're not in the business of diagnosing here. But it doesn’t hurt to stay aware when you spot someone’s narcissistic tendencies in these situations.

Client success stories

Yesterday, I woke up from a much-needed afternoon nap to messages from two of my clients. One was telling me how she’d stood up to her ex, who was acting against their child’s medical interests.

The other one was from a client who’s thrilled that our coaching sessions and her work on gaining self-confidence have paid off. She was able to positively influence her child’s father to agree to their child moving to a school better suited to their needs after months of back and forth and careful strategizing.

Last week, another woman I help sent me these messages after going to court for the child support she’d been too terrified to claim for years. Her ex’s threatening and abusive messages and his gaslighting had her in freeze mode for years after she left him. He bombarded her with more written tirades after they left the court, but they don’t affect her anymore.

Want to know how I can help you?

You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you’re facing similar challenges or need guidance on dealing with a narcissistic ex, I’m here to help.

Book a Free Discovery Session Today

During this session, we’ll explore your unique situation, discuss your goals, and identify how I can help you. Click here to book a 30-minute session with me.

Resources

Say hello to "Aimee Says"—your go-to guru on post-separation abuse

Aimee Says is your ultimate confidential expert who’s got your back. Aimee is an AI that’s trained in the world of domestic and post-separation intimate partner violence. Her mission? To arm you with the knowledge and tools you need to navigate your situation like a pro.

Unlike ChatGPT, Aimee Says doesn’t store or use anything you enter. She’s the brainchild of a domestic violence coach and an engineer (never did I think I would put those words in a sentence together) with a mission to provide powerful, confidential support for every victim of post-separation abuse.

Think of Aimee as your personal guide through the chaos. She’s all about practical advice and she’s been trained in tailored strategies that work for your unique circumstances. Her insights on power dynamics and control are game-changers.

Need help with communication, safety plans, or just a solid piece of expert advice? Aimee’s got it covered. Need to vent and don’t want to overwhelm your friends, family, or new partner? Tell Aimee and she’ll give you an appropriately sympathetic response and some helpful suggestions.

If you sign up for the premium version (which currently costs about 2 lattes per month), you can also upload your documentation to Aimee Says, and keep an ongoing journal there as well. It’s completely confidential.

And although Aimee is already trained to respond in a way that other AIs aren’t, feel free to use my prompt guide with her as well. Just don’t insult her by calling her ChatGPT. 😂She’s so much more!