You open ChatGPT, AimeeSays or Claude, type something like How do I deal with a narcissistic co-parent? and get back a wall of text that somehow answers everything and nothing at the same time.

Or you ask about your rights and end up more confused than when you started.

Sound familiar?

It’s happened to me too. Like, just today, when I tried to get the chatbot to explain how to create a link on my website to my newsletter with a button that's only visible to mobile users. I now have a major headache.

But it’s not the AI that's makes our head spin. A couple of rounds into this frustrating cycle, I realized that I was asking the wrong question.

AI tools are genuinely powerful for protective parents navigating high-conflict situations (or people helping them who are trying to troubleshoot technical problems) but only when you know how to direct them. And nobody teaches you that part.

So let me break it down for you.

Before you type anything, figure out what you actually need. There are five main types:

Use this when you suspect something is wrong or false. Is it true that [specific claim]? works much better than tell me about family law. You’ll get a more targeted response when you ask AI to specifically verify something.

Use this when you have information but don’t know what it means. They brought up X in their affidavit. What does this tell me about their strategy? gives the AI something to work with. What should I do? gives it nothing.

Use this when you’re staring at legalese and your brain shuts down. Paste the actual text and ask for a plain-language explanation. Without the text, you’ll get a generic answer that won’t help you.

Use this before a specific event — a court date, a mediation, an email you need to send. I have [specific situation] on Friday. What are the three key points I need to make / three things I need to prepare for? is the kind of question that gets you a usable answer.

Use this when you're flooded and can’t think straight. I just got their response and I’m overwhelmed. Can you help me figure out what actually matters here? tells the AI where you’re at so it can meet you there.

Whenever you feel like the AI is going in circles, use this:

I need you to [specific action].

Instead of: What about financial disclosure? Try: I need you to list the specific documents I should request, numbered, one line each.

Instead of: They’re saying bad things about me. Try: I need you to tell me which accusations in this document actually matter legally, and which are just noise.

The more specific your ask, the more useful the answer.

You’re allowed to redirect it. Mid-conversation, mid-answer, whenever you need to. Here's how:

When it’s giving too much: Stop. Too much. Give me just the top three things.

When it’s too complicated: Simpler. Explain like I'm not a lawyer."

When it’s going the wrong direction: That’'s not what I need. I need [specific thing].

When you’re overwhelmed: I’m overwhelmed. Break this into three bullet points maximum.

When you’re not sure about the “facts” it presented: Give me the specific source for this, including the title, author, and where I can verify it.

When you’re not sure that the document actually says what AI claims it says: Quote the specific passage from the document that supports this.

Sometimes it helps to see it side by side. Here are five common situations and what a vague vs. a useful ask actually looks like:

You’re confused about something in a document:
❌ What about paragraph 12?"
✅ Paragraph 12 says X, but I know Y is true. Am I right that this is a contradiction? And if so, how does that help me?

You need to respond to an accusation:
❌ They're attacking me. Help.
✅ I need you to write me a 2-3 sentence response to [specific accusation] that I can say if it comes up. Keep it calm and redirect to [the real issue].

You’re overwhelmed by what they filed:
❌ This is all twisted lies.
✅ I just got their response and I’m upset. Can you tell me what the top 3 things actually help my case, so I can focus on those and ignore the rest?

You need specific legal information:
❌ What’s the law about child support?
✅ What are the specific rules that say parents have to provide complete financial disclosure for child support? I need the article numbers and one-sentence explanations.

You're self-representing and you’re prepping for court:
❌ Court is Friday, what do I do?
✅ Court is Friday for [specific issue]. I need: (1) my opening statement in 3 sentences, (2) how to respond if they say X, (3) what specific documents to ask for.”

The pattern is always the same: give context, state the specific ask, and tell it what format you need.

AI can go sideways on you. Here's what to watch for and exactly what to say when it does:

🚩 It cites case law or legal authority without a specific source → Can you verify that with a specific source?

🚩 It tells you what you “should definitely” do → Remember it's strategy support, not legal advice. Check with your lawyer before acting on anything specific.

🚩 It gives you five dense paragraphs when you asked a simple question → Too much. Summarize in 3 bullet points.

🚩 It’s answering a different question than the one you asked → That’s not what I need. I need [restate your actual question].

🚩 It’s using legal terminology you don’t understand → Simpler words. I'm not an attorney.

You’re allowed to stop it and redirect it at any point.

This matters. AI is excellent at analyzing documents you upload, spotting contradictions, explaining legal concepts in plain language, helping you prepare talking points, and reframing emotional situations strategically.

It’s not reliable for exact citation numbers, local courthouse procedures, predicting what a judge will do, or replacing actual legal advice. Use it for strategy, analysis, and preparation, not as your lawyer.

If you have a court date, a difficult conversation, or a response you need to draft, here’s a structure that works:

I have [situation] on [date]. Here’s what I need: (1) a three-sentence summary of my position, (2) a two-sentence response if they bring up [specific issue], (3) the specific documents I should ask for. Keep everything simple and in my own voice.

That’s a perfect request because it gives context, specific asks, format requirements, and tone direction. The AI has everything it needs to actually help you.

When you're confused or when you’re paralyzed by fear, stop and ask: I’m lost. What’s the one thing I need to focus on right now?

That question cuts through the noise every time.

AI won't fix your situation. But used well, it can help you show up more prepared, more strategic, and less alone in the moments that matter most.

Want help learning to use AI effectively in your specific situation? Book a free, 30-minute consultation and let's talk about what's going on.

Want to know more about what I do?

If you want to go deeper on using AI strategically in your co-parenting situation, I wrote the book on it — literally. AI Armor: Your Digital Defense Solution for Coparenting With a Narcissist is now available on Amazon at the super-affordable launch price of $2.99 (that's US dollars). It’s also available for free on Kindle Unlimited.

This book is the practical guide for when your lawyer isn't available, your friends don't get it, and your traumatized brain can't handle your abusive ex alone.

Click on the image to see it on Amazon. (this is the US link, so if you’re in another country, just switch to your own one).