It's documenting.

Documenting your ex's abuse, harassment, lies, and behaviours can be a painful process, but it's a vital step towards taking back your power.

Each piece of documentation helps to validate your experiences and reminds you that it's not just 'in your head.'

It also helps you identify patterns of abuse that weren't apparent to you and gives you the tools to paint a clear picture of abuse and harassment if your case goes to court.

So, you know you need to present a clear picture of your ex’s abuse and harassment for the court.

You know you need to document everything—otherwise there's no evidence.

But when you try,

your brain shuts down,

your heart starts racing,

you break out into a sweat,

your fingers turn to jelly on the keyboard,

you just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep.

I get it. Too many tasks make me feel this way, too. And those aren't even as traumatizing as looking at an abusive ex's messages!

It's like you're standing in front of a huge pile of rocks, not knowing where to start,

Not even wanting to start.

But here's the thing: to move this pile, you only need to start by getting a bucket and picking up a single pebble to put in it.

Instead of facing the entire daunting task at once, you carve out a specific time and space (your bucket) where you commit to dealing with just one teeny-tiny aspect of it.

Maybe it’s reading one message, writing down one note, or just sitting down at your computer and opening the necessary files. You’re not moving the pile in one go; you’re just picking up a pebble.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Even picking up a pebble feels like lifting a boulder!"

And that's why creating a system that works for you is so important. This system isn't about pushing harder; it’s about making the task fun, or at least manageable.

How about pairing your documentation time with your favorite coffee or tea? Or maybe you play your favorite uplifting music in the background.

The key is to associate the task with something positive, something that brings you joy or at least a sense of calm. If your system involves paper, buy scented markers or pretty pens.

Remember, it's not about the speed;

it's about consistency.

Over time, those pebbles you've picked up will accumulate.

Before you know it, you'll have built a mountain of evidence without the overwhelming dread that used to paralyze you.

And the beauty of this approach? It works for more than just documenting abuse for court. It's a strategy that can help you tackle any large, daunting task in your life, from writing a book to organizing your financials.

So, take a deep breath.

You've got this.

Start small.

Make it fun.

Watch yourself become unstoppable.

Because when you change your approach to the task, you change your life.

Keep moving forward, picking up your bucket and putting one pebble in it at a time.

Did someone forward this onto you?

Resources

In this groundbreaking book written for professionals and survivors, David Mandel deconstructs the six key myths at the heart of mother-blaming and father-ignoring culture, demonstrating their flaws and limitations.

Each step along the way, David uses the principles and tools of the Safe & Together Model to outline easy-to-implement solutions to these all-too-common problems. With an approach that is supported by case studies and testimonials of practitioners and survivors, you will learn new ways to partner with survivors and intervene with domestic violence perpetrators as parents.

I bought this book the first day it came out and it’s been a source of numerous lightbulb moments.

*This is an Amazon affiliate link. I spend a lot of time providing information and content and helping free of charge here and on other platforms, and I appreciate it if you decide to purchase anything via the links in my newsletter. It's a simple way to support the work I do without any extra cost to you. Thank you for being a part of this community and for your continued support!

To conclude…

Imagine getting to the point where you’re able to say this:

I received this message from a client this week and it warmed my heart. This is the kind of feedback that makes me feel like I’m making a positive difference in the world.

If you want to find out how I can help you with coaching, feel free to reply to this email or send me a message via the contact form on my website.