😳 Whoops, you did it again...

You KNOW that your ex thrives on any kind of attention from you.
You KNOW that you need to keep your side of the street clean.
You KNOW that your ex is gaslighting you.

Yet you still fell for it. You reacted to them and before you knew it, you were caught up in their drama.

OK, 💩 happens. You're not perfect. Forgive yourself and move forward. Don't wallow in your mistake.

So, what can you do better next time?

First, don't wait till the next time happens, because if you do, you’ll be totally unprepared and you’ll slip up again.

Here are some things you can do now to bounce back:

⚓ Remind yourself about your BIG WHY. It keeps you anchored in these situations.

🕵🏻‍♀️ Examine what worked before, or in similar situations.

⏱ Find a way to push the pause button before you react.

🙋🏻‍♀️ If you're going through a divorce or custody battle and your slipups come before a judge, be transparent about your mistake and own it.

Let’s talk about your BIG WHY

Consider these questions to help you define your "Big Why":

What are your core values?
Reflect on what truly matters to you.

Is it:
🗽 Your freedom?
🧘‍♀️ Your peace of mind?
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Your children's well-being?

Your core values are the bedrock of your "Big Why."

What does your future look like?
Visualize the life you want after you've fully moved on, with your ex out of the picture.

This vision can include
🏆 Your personal achievements.
💞 The type of relationships you want.
😊 The feelings that you want to experience.

Who are you doing this for?
It might be for
👶 Your children.
💪 Your own well-being.
🌟 The person you know you're capable of becoming.

Recognizing who benefits from your journey can be a powerful motivator.

Remember, your "Big Why" isn't just a thought. It's a commitment to yourself.

✍️ So, write it down.
👀 Keep it where you can see it.
🗣️ Say it out loud, over and over again.

One more thing about your BIG WHY:

Guess who’s not invited to the party?

Yes, your ex.

It's bad enough that this person is controlling your external life right now.

But if you let them take up space in your head and in your Big Why, you're giving them the power to control your internal life too. That's a no-go zone!

🔒 Your Big Why should be a fortress of your making, not a playground for your ex's influence.

It's about you, your dreams, your values, and your growth. Not them.

Think about it:

Every time you make your ex a part of your Big Why, whether it's to prove something to them or to get one over them, you're reacting. You're not acting on your own behalf, but in response to them. That's not empowerment; it's entrapment and control.

💡 Shift the focus.

Your Big Why should be about what makes you thrive, not about what keeps you tied to the past. It's about building a future that's free from the shadows of past relationships.

✨ Imagine what your life could be like when your decisions and motivations aren't coloured by your ex's actions or words. How much more peaceful, fulfilling, and focused would it be?

🚫 Decide that your ex does not get to be a part of your future or your motivations. If they’re taking up space rent-free in your head, evict them right now!

Remember, your Big Why is your guiding light towards a healthier, happier you. It's the reason you get up in the morning and the goals you're striving for. Make it about what enriches you, not what diminishes you.

✍️ So, reflect on your Big Why again. Make sure it's purely yours, a reflection of your aspirations, and free from the shadow of your ex.

If you haven’t done so already, it’s worth taking half an hour this week to sit down and write your Big Why. When you do this, pretend your fairy godmother waved a magic wand and made your ex disappear.

Feel free to respond to this email with your Big Why. I’d love to see what you come up with. If you need help with it, respond to this email with “Help!” and I’ll send you my video on how to create your Utopia.

Resources

If part of your Big Why relates to financial freedom, you’ll love My Money My Way. As a newly divorced single mom making $24,000 per year and $77,000 in debt, Kumiko Love worried constantly about money. In this book, she shares the step-by-step plan for taking control back over your financial life that helped her eliminate her debts and pay for her own home in cash.

I read this book two years ago, and it’s revolutionized my attitude to my own finances. I still use Kumiko’s plan and I’ve even created an easy-peasy-to-update digital version of her tracking method, which I update every month.

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