⚖️ You won the battle but feel defeated?😔

We lost a cat.

He did a Houdini and escaped from the carrier as my son was taking it from the vet while my partner was paying the bill. Five years ago, we lost another cat in exactly the same way, except that she escaped while I was carrying the cat INTO the vet.

No-one in my family will ever trust anyone again, not ourselves and not even a vet tech, to close a cat carrier properly.

He ran across the main road in front of the vet, and 24 hours later, after a 10-hour stakeout involving mostly my son, my partner, and two lovely ladies who work for a cat charity, we finally trapped him outside the building in a drop cage.

Because we’d found our other missing cat in that spot six weeks after I’d lost her, I had a strong feeling he’d stay around there, too. When I went out to look for him just after 6 a.m. the morning after he escaped and then disappeared after dashing across the road, there he was indeed, sitting on the steps outside that building.

Problem was, in the two months that we’d had him (we’d been looking after him for his actual owner), he had never let any of us touch him once. We’d had to get him into his carrier to take him to the vet by means of trickery. So catching him, even though we knew where he was, wasn’t easy.

So, what’s the point of this story?

This morning, Rey (that’s his name) is safe and sound at home. We’re all relieved that we caught him. The crisis is over.

But I have a hangover.

No, I didn’t drink any alcohol. I’m talking about an emotional hangover.

I went for a run this morning, and struggled just to put one foot in front of the other. The weight of anxiety sitting on my chest just won’t lift. I feel like I’m about to burst into tears. I’m struggling to focus. I’m in a total fog. Yesterday, I kept it all together and today, it feels like I’m coming apart.

Thinking back, I remember the times I felt like this during my high-conflict divorce. The time when, after leaving my ex, I met a friend again who’d been a confidante during the last incredibly stressful months of my marriage, I burst into tears and sobbed in her arms.

The time when, walking out of the notary’s office with the check in my purse for my half of the equity on our family home, I couldn’t find my way out of the building. And when I stepped up to the ATM to deposit it, I completely blanked on my PIN number.

Or the time when, after finding out that my kids and I had been given permanent residence in Canada against their father’s wishes, I wandered around the house in a daze.

How to deal with emotional hangovers

If you’ve been through a high-conflict divorce, separation, or custody battle, you know what it’s like to have these emotional hangovers. They sneak up on you, leaving you feeling like a zombie. Here are a few tricks that can help you shake it off:

🌈 Acknowledge your feelings
Yep, it’s okay to feel all the feels. Don’t shove them down. Write them out or vent to someone who gets it.

🌈 Practice mindfulness
Ground yourself in the here and now. Deep breaths, meditation, or a walk while soaking in your surroundings can help you feel more in control.

🌈 Get moving
Exercise can relieve built-up tension and boost your mood. Whether it’s a run, yoga, or dancing like no one’s watching, just move.

🌈 Connect with others
Don’t go full hermit. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who understand what you’re going through. Sharing your experience lightens the load.

🌈 Self-care
Put yourself first. Take a bath, read a book, or dive into a hobby you love. Self-care is non-negotiable.

🌈 Seek professional help
Sometimes you need a pro. A therapist or counselor can offer support and strategies for managing your emotions. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

I went the self-care route this morning, after writing the first part of this newsletter. I’ve just come back from a little shopping spree in a local thrift store, picked up some childhood favorites at the nearby British store, and stopped by the grocery store for a can of kombucha.

I feel much better now.

BTW, this is what victory looks like.

Want to know how I can help you?

Resources

"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk is a game-changer if you’re experiencing post-separation chaos.

This book gets down to the nitty-gritty of how trauma can mess with your body and mind, all while keeping it fascinating and relatable. Van der Kolk mixes science with real-life stories to show just how traumatic experiences leave their mark on us.

The best part about this book is that it isn't just about the doom and gloom. It's packed with cool, cutting-edge treatments like neurofeedback, mindfulness, and body work that help you kick trauma to the curb. Get ready to take control, heal, and maybe even have a bit of fun along the way!